Being a Good Husband: Men for Good, Always Meant for Good

“Behind every strong man isn’t just a strong woman — but a man who dares to grow (read: acknowledge his shortcomings) and lead with mercy.”

The Silent Struggles of Men

Many of us grew up being told to “man up,” to suppress emotions, to avoid “looking weak.” We were never taught how to feel, let alone how to express it. This emotional wall? It follows us into marriage, and our wives feel it too. But our Prophet never said to suppress emotions. He taught us how to manage them. Prophet ﷺ cried, grieved, expressed love openly. The Prophet ﷺ said when his son Ibrahim passed away:

“The eyes shed tears and the heart is grieved, but we will not say anything except what pleases our Lord.”

Sahih al-Bukhari, 1303

Wounded/Unhealed People Hurt People

Unresolved trauma while growing from a boy to a man: being bullied, neglected, feeling unworthy. Doesn’t disappear. It leaks into how we love, how we listen, how we react. Not because we don’t love our wives, but because we never learned how to show it in a way that connects. Many men want to show care, but their love doesn’t land…..because they themselves are hurting. We can’t pour from an empty cup, don’t we?

Ibn Qayyim said in his book Madarij Al-Salikin:

“The heart is like a container. If it is filled with something, it will overflow with that content.”

Road towards becoming a better husband

The first step to becoming a better husband? Acknowledging our flaws, with honesty and humility. True growth starts with self-awareness.

Self-awareness is a mercy, not a weakness.

“Indeed, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Surah Ar-Ra’d, 13:11)

Real Men Communicate

Real strength is in vulnerability. Speak your thoughts. Share your fears. And just as importantly, listen.

Communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about understanding. Listen not to reply, but to understand. Nabi ﷺ listened attentively to his wives, and valued their thoughts. Narrated by Aisha RA:

“The Messenger of Allah would lean in to listen when I spoke. He never dismissed my concerns.” Sahih Muslim, 2442

This is also seen in the incident of Umm Salamah’s wise advice at Hudaibiyyah.

We Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Brotherhood can save. Don’t suffer in silence. Talk to a counsellor. Sit with an Ustaz. Check in with trusted brothers. Find safe spaces that uplift. Find your bricks. Build together.

Prophet ﷺ said:

“The believer to another believer is like a building, one part supporting the other.”

— Sahih al-Bukhari, 481 & Sahih Muslim, 2585

Know Your Rights & Responsibilities

Responsibility starts with knowledge. Many men want to be good, but aren’t sure how to fulfill their roles. For example with nafkah; a very popular questions by husbands and also wives

“Men are the protectors of women…”

Surah An-Nisa (4:34)

Imam Al-Razi in Tafsir al-Kabir elaborates on the meaning of Protector:

“Providing Maintenance (nafkah): financial, emotional and physical needs, it is a sign of leadership; not control.” A man cannot lead a household without knowledge.

Lead with Empathy, Not Ego

The troubled world doesn’t need more dominant men. It needs more empathetic men.

Men who inspire, not with status, but with character. Leadership isn’t just dominance — it’s inspiration through compassion. A true leader in a home is just, kind, emotionally aware and spiritually grounded.

Prophet ﷺ said:

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best among you to my wives.”

— Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 3895 (Hasan Sahih)

Imam Nawawi explains in Riyad al-Solihin: this hadith highlights akhlaq (good character) as the core measure of greatness.

When She Shouts or Degrades You

It hurts when words come sharp. Even more when it comes from the one you love.

But strength is not always in reaction, it is especially in restraint.  Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali explains in his book Jami’ Al-‘Ulum wal Hikam:

“Forgiveness in the moment of anger is a sign of nobility and taqwa.”

Men don’t have to tolerate emotional abuse. But men also don’t have to mirror it. Responding with calm gives men the power to lead the moment instead of losing it.

When She Asks for More Than You Can Afford

You want to give her the world; but sometimes all you have is what’s in your hands.That’s okay. Allah doesn’t burden you beyond what you can give.

“Let a man spend according to what he has. Allah does not burden a soul beyond what He has given it…” Surah At-Talaq (65:7)

Gentle tips:

Be honest, not harsh. 

Honesty builds more than homes… it builds hearts.

Ya Allah, make me a source of comfort, not conflict.

Make me a support, not a burden.

Make me wise with words, and always present with mercy.

“O Allah, I ask You for a sound heart, a truthful tongue, good character, and a righteous wife who brings me joy when I look at her and protects me in my absence.”