Islamic Power Couples

(Lessons of thriving marriages from the Qur’an and Sunnah)

Islam emphasises the importance of embracing a good community who constantly remind one another to perform noble and virtuous deeds and to abstain from morally wrong conduct. Allah s.w.t says in the Quran:

كُنتُمْ خَيْرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخْرِجَتْ لِلنَّاسِ تَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَتَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِٱللَّهِ

“You are the best community ever raised for humanity—you encourage good, forbid evil, and believe in Allah” (Surah Ali ‘Imran: 110)

To achieve a community that flourishes, it all starts from a single-family unit. Ultimately, if all family units were to prosper, it would eventually lead to an ideal community which Allah s.w.t commands of us. In this article, let us ponder upon the first stage of a family unit, which is the husband and wife, or we refer to as, ‘the couple’. Undeniably, Prophet Muhammad s.a.w was, is, and eternally will be the best example for us to emulate. Allah s.w.t says:

لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِى رَسُولِ ٱللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌۭ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱلْيَوْمَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرَ وَذَكَرَ ٱللَّهَ كَثِيرًۭا

“Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example for whoever has hope in Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah often” (Surah Al-Ahzab: 21)

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w was exemplary in all aspects of life, transcending religious duties and noble character. It includes portraying eminent traits of a leader, optimal ways of interacting with humans, both muslims and non-muslims, exemplary characteristics of a grandfather, a father, as well as a husband.

However, let us explore beyond that and observe how a couple should behave and interact with each other from the examples of the Prophets before Muhammad s.a.w, which are recorded in the Quran, and from his companions. Let us learn from them and conclude on what is required to be considered as a ‘Power Couple’ and to eventually be a couple filled with sakinah (comfort), mawaddah (compassion) and rahmah (mercy). Allah s.w.t says:

وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect” (Surah Ar-Rum: 21)

Story 1: Prophet Ibrahim a.s and Sarah r.a

The Quran recounts the story of Prophet Ibrahim a.s and his wife Sarah r.a in Surah Hud. Prophet Ibrahim a.s has been married to Sarah r.a for a long time but they were unfortunate to not be blessed with a child. They almost gave up to a point where Sarah r.a thought that it was already written in Lauh Mahfuz* that they were never going to bear a child. Then one day, three angels came, in the form of humans, to their house to initially warn them about the punishment of the people of Lut a.s. Briefly after conveying that news, they revealed to them both, especially Sarah r.a, that she was going to give birth to a son named Ishaq and will come after him a grandson named Ya’qub.

She was standing and immediately smiled upon hearing that rejoicing news. It was too unexpected that she questioned the possibility of her being pregnant when both her and Prophet Ibrahim a.s were old and had surpassed a fertile age. The angels replied that the occurrence is a miracle from Allah s.w.t bestowed upon them and that it has been recorded in Lauh Mahfuz. Allah s.w.t says:

وَٱمْرَأَتُهُۥ قَآئِمَةٌۭ فَضَحِكَتْ فَبَشَّرْنَـٰهَا بِإِسْحَـٰقَ وَمِن وَرَآءِ إِسْحَـٰقَ يَعْقُوبَ *  قَالَتْ يَـٰوَيْلَتَىٰٓ ءَأَلِدُ وَأَنَا۠ عَجُوزٌۭ وَهَـٰذَا بَعْلِى شَيْخًا ۖ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَشَىْءٌ عَجِيبٌۭ *  قَالُوٓا۟ أَتَعْجَبِينَ مِنْ أَمْرِ ٱللَّهِ ۖ رَحْمَتُ ٱللَّهِ وَبَرَكَـٰتُهُۥ عَلَيْكُمْ أَهْلَ ٱلْبَيْتِ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ حَمِيدٌۭ مَّجِيدٌۭ

“And his wife was standing by, so she laughed, then We gave her good news of (the birth of) Isaac, and, after him, Jacob. She wondered, “Oh, my! How can I have a child in this old age, and my husband here is an old man? This is truly an astonishing thing!” They responded, “Are you astonished by Allah’s decree? May Allah’s mercy and blessings be upon you, O  people of this house. Indeed, He is Praiseworthy, All-Glorious.” (Surah Hud: 71-73)

This is the miraculous event that happened to Prophet Ibrahim a.s and Sarah r.a. From this story, apart from excerpting that we should not lose hope in Allah s.w.t no matter how dire the situation is, we are also able to derive a few lessons to be implemented as a husband and a wife.

Lessons to gain:

1) When the angels came to visit Prophet Ibrahim a.s and Sarah r.a, the news of the destruction of the People of Lut a.s was intended to Prophet Ibrahim a.s, a prophet. However, Sarah r.a, being a pious wife, went into the kitchen and prepared food for them. Despite them being his guests, Sarah r.a took the initiative to prepare some refreshments for them. This shows that his guests are her guests too. When the angels did not even touch the food, Prophet Ibrahim a.s started to worry and doubts and questions began to creep in. What is their purpose coming over? Did we do anything wrong that these angles came to punish us? Are they really angels? These questions caused him distress and Sarah r.a shared the same sentiment. She was worried as well although she was in the kitchen and the message was intended only for Prophet Ibrahim a.s. Allah s.w.t says:

فَلَمَّا رَءَآ أَيْدِيَهُمْ لَا تَصِلُ إِلَيْهِ نَكِرَهُمْ وَأَوْجَسَ مِنْهُمْ خِيفَةًۭ ۚ قَالُوا۟ لَا تَخَفْ إِنَّآ أُرْسِلْنَآ إِلَىٰ قَوْمِ لُوطٍۢ

“And when he saw that their hands did not reach for the food, he became suspicious and fearful of them.1 They reassured (him), “Do not be afraid! We are (angels) sent (only) against the people of Lot” Surah Hud: 70

This is the true meaning of marriage; To go through everything together. His happiness becomes her happiness, his sorrow becomes her sorrow and this should be the case vice versa. This is the meaning of mawaddah (compassion) and this is the secret to a happy life as a married couple just like Prophet Ibrahim a.s and Sarah r.a.

2) When Sarah r.a was preparing food for the guests, she was also eavesdropping on the conversation between Prophet Ibrahim a.s and the angels. This was not a bad gesture from her. Instead, it shows how much she wanted to be included in her husband’s affairs that she was willing to listen to the conversation while her hands were busy preparing. This should be the proper way a couple should behave towards each other. There should not be any secrets between a couple. By no means is this considered a privacy invasion. To view it from a different perspective, once you marry someone, you are devoting your whole life towards your partner, a privilege only earned through marriage. This brings countless benefits to both parties, where you share your concerns, problems, happiness, worries and much more. By sharing these matters, you lessen the burden on yourself and this is imperative to a lasting marriage just like how Sarah r.a shared Prophet Ibrahim’s worry when he heard the news.

3) When Prophet Ibrahim a.s and Sarah r.a heard that they were expecting a son, both of them were happy. Sarah r.a smiled as recorded in the Quran. However, not long after, Prophet Ibrahim a.s returned to his worry regarding the destruction of the people of Lut a.s that he argued with the angels about this. Allah s.w.t says:

فَلَمَّا ذَهَبَ عَنْ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ ٱلرَّوْعُ وَجَآءَتْهُ ٱلْبُشْرَىٰ يُجَـٰدِلُنَا فِى قَوْمِ لُوطٍ

“Then after the fear had left Abraham, and the good news had reached him, he began to plead with Us for the people of Lot”

(Surah Hud: 74)

Therefore, two different reactions were seen here. This was due to their different personalities and view towards the news itself. An important lesson here to grasp. When someone marries another person, it does not mean that their personality will align, their thought processes will be the same and their views on certain things will tally. As a result of different upbringings, environment and other factors, these things will differ. However, the most important thing is to tolerate and understand each other. This is also the meaning of mawaddah; To understand each other’s differences and to find common grounds to be able to live together. It was clear that Prophet Ibrahim a.s had a distinct reaction than Sarah r.a.

Prophet Ibrahim a.s viewed the matter as a Prophet. With his experience preaching to his people and even his father, wishing that they were guided to the right path. It was in his nature that the people were freed from Allah’s s.w.t punishment. On the other hand, Sarah r.a viewed the matter as a delighted woman who was expecting. She could not fathom that the people of Lut a.s chose to sacrifice the feeling of joy of having a child, that she was feeling, by adopting same-sex relationships.

Story 2: Prophet Ayyub a.s and his wife

The story of Prophet Ayyub a.s was not narrated in the Quran as detailed as some of the other prophets such as Prophet Yusuf and Prophet Musa a.s. In fact, it was only narrated in four instances, where in two of them, only his name was mentioned. However, these few verses contain gems that we ought to uncover and ponder upon. Prophet Ayyub a.s was tested with a skin condition that lasted for 18 years, according to some scholars. Allah s.w.t says:

 وَأَيُّوبَ إِذْ نَادَىٰ رَبَّهُۥٓ أَنِّى مَسَّنِىَ ٱلضُّرُّ وَأَنتَ أَرْحَمُ ٱلرَّٰحِمِينَ

“And (remember) when Ayyub cried out to his Lord, “I have been touched with adversity, and You are the Most Merciful of the merciful.” (Surah Al-Anbiya: 83)

The scholars interpreted the word (adversity) (الضر) as physical illness. Although he was tested with a skin condition, it was not to the extent where people were disgusted by him due to Allah’s s.w.t protection of his prophets. Prophet Ayyub a.s endured this illness for 18 years as he was worried that his constant complaints and prayers to lift this illness will portray him as an impatient man. However, after some time, he finally prayed to Allah s.w.t to lift this illness and Allah s.w.t immediately granted him a cure. This is briefly the story of Prophet Ayyub a.s. Nonetheless, the focus now is on his wife and the lessons we can obtain from their marriage.

Lessons to gain:

1) It was said that when Prophet Ayyub a.s was inflicted with this illness, he lost his child, his community and those around him except for his wife. One day, his wife unintentionally said to him: “When will this end?”. We should firstly note that this is a normal reaction from anyone who is tested with such great adversity. However, Prophet Ayyub a.s could not accept such a statement from his wife as she was supposed to endure just like how he endured and to not question Allah’s decision just like how he stayed patient all this while. Furthermore, she was his only hope and the one person that stayed by him. Thus, he was distressed upon hearing that from his wife. Apart from that, we can conclude that his wife was a faithful wife and that she decided to stay by him when everyone else did not. This is truly important for a marriage to prosper. A couple should always be together in times of hardships and carry the burden together. Otherwise, it will nullify the main purpose of marriage.

When he was cured from his illness, Allah s.w.t said:

وَخُذْ بِيَدِكَ ضِغْثًۭا فَٱضْرِب بِّهِۦ وَلَا تَحْنَثْ ۗ إِنَّا وَجَدْنَـٰهُ صَابِرًۭا ۚ نِّعْمَ ٱلْعَبْدُ ۖ إِنَّهُۥٓ أَوَّابٌۭ

(And We said to him) “Take in your hand a bundle of grass, and strike (your wife) with it, and do not break your oath.” We truly found him patient. What an excellent servant (he was)! Indeed, he (constantly) turned (to Allah). Surah Shad: 44

From this verse, we can learn an important point:

Prophet Ayyub a.s knew in his heart that her reaction was influenced by Shaytaan but replied in the heat of the moment: “I will hit you 100 times”. Even though Prophet Ayyub a.s said that he will hit her 100 times, Allah s.w.t asked him to only collect 100 blades of wet grass or a handful and hit her on the shoulder once. This was not harmful in any way. This is Allah’s rahmah (mercy) towards the couple; Fulfilling his oath while not harming any party. This should be the case in every marriage. Both parties ought to have rahmah (mercy) on each other. A husband is prohibited from harming or abusing his wife in any way and vice versa. Disagreements tend to occur in every marriage. However, mercy surpasses all and only by it a couple is able to live peacefully together and have a long-lasting marriage.

Story 3: Prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his wives

In this portion, this article will cite a few ahadith that depict the interaction between Rasulullah s.a.w and his wives for us to benefit and implement in our marriage life. Rasulullah’s s.a.w marriages were all blessed with sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah.

Lessons to gain:

1) Rasulullah s.a.w used to divide his time equally among his wives and he would say:

اللَّهُمَّ هَذَا فِعْلِي فِيمَا أَمْلِكُ فَلاَ تَلُمْنِي فِيمَا تَمْلِكُ وَلاَ أَمْلِكُ

“O Allah, this is what I have done with regard to that over which I have control, so do not blame me for that over which You have control and I do not”

(Sunan an-Nasa’i – Authentic)

This hadith teaches us an important lesson: Mawaddah and Rahmah in marriages (Compassion and mercy). Human beings are unable to control their feelings and that happens in marriages. There will be certain times when the feeling of ‘love’ towards our partner starts to fade away and that is completely natural. However, Rasulullah s.a.w teaches us that we should strive on the things that we can control such as our actions and our words towards our partner.

This also teaches us that everlasting marriages do not solely depend on feelings or emotions that we have no control over. Rather, it hinges on compassion and mercy, two values that we certainly have control over. Our feelings, if not acted upon, do not leave a mark on our partner. On the other hand, our actions that follow can leave an impression on them. Therefore, act responsibly, continue to shower mercy on them and show compassion whatever the situation is, especially when ‘love’ starts to fade away as the marriage goes on, in hopes that the ‘disappearing love’ starts to crawl its way back in.

The Climatic Trial of the Beloved’s Marriage: Haadithatul Ifk

This was one of the many significant incidents that happened in Madinah. Aisha r.a was slandered for having done unlawful things with one of the companions. The defamation did not only smear Aisha r.a’s reputation, but concurrently tarnished Rasulullah’s s.a.w dignity as a Prophet. The one who started this slander was Abdullah Ibn Ubay Ibn Salul, the leader of the hypocrites. The hypocrites then started to spread this news that even a group of Muslimin started to talk about this with one another. When Aisha r.a heard that she was being slandered, and realized that Abu Bakr r.a and Rasulullah s.a.w knew about it, she fainted and was hit by fever. It was said that it took Rasulullah s.a.w a month before Allah s.w.t proved her innocence. Let us look at how Rasulullah s.a.w reacted to this adversity.

When Aisha r.a recovered from her fever, Rasulullah s.a.w visited her and said:

إِنْ كُنْتِ بَرِيئَةً فَسَيُبَرِّئُكِ اللَّهُ، وَإِنْ كُنْتِ أَلْمَمْتِ بِذَنْبٍ فَاسْتَغْفِرِي اللَّهَ وَتُوبِي إِلَيْهِ

“If you are innocent, then Allah will declare your innocence: but if you have committed a sin, then ask for Allah’s Forgiveness and repent to him” (Bukhari – Authentic)

Look at how merciful Rasulullah s.a.w was towards his wife, even when faced with such adversity. He did not, in any way, show the slightest of disgrace towards her. Instead, he showered her with kind words and advice. Although he trusted his wife, there was no one, at that point of time, who could confirm nor disprove that claim except for Allah s.w.t. For that reason, Rasulullah s.a.w informed her of the two scenarios that could happen from that incident. This is how a marriage should be. When a couple faces any kind of problems, they should not blame each other blindly and treat each other badly by insulting and showing disgust for instance. Instead, they should continue to treat each other with mercy while the issue is being resolved, just like Rasulullah s.a.w.

There was, however, a difference in Rasulullah’s interaction towards Aisha r.a after hearing about the news. He was less intimate towards her. This shows that, despite being a Prophet, he was also a human being with feelings. However, it did not stop him from continuously asking about her well-being. He would still greet her, without belittling her at all. This is another example of his mercy towards his wife.

When the verses that proved Aisha’s r.a innocence were delayed, Rasulullah s.a.w did not accuse her, nor did he think badly of his wife. He even said while standing on the pulpit:

يَا مَعْشَرَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ مَنْ يَعْذِرُنِي مِنْ رَجُلٍ بَلَغَنِي أَذَاهُ فِي أَهْلِي، وَاللَّهِ مَا عَلِمْتُ عَلَى أَهْلِي إِلاَّ خَيْرًا

“O Muslims! Who will help me against the man who has harmed me by slandering my wife? By Allah, I know nothing about my family except good” (Bukhari – Authentic)

Look at how well Rasulullah s.a.w thought about his wife the whole time while waiting for her innocence. One can only imagine how difficult it can be to endure and stay patient for that period of time, especially after hearing that kind of news. He also announced to the masses that he did not see his wife except that she was a noble woman. A couple should always think good (Husnuzzhon) of each other, especially when they know that their partner has always been a good person.

Story 4, A Sahabah’s Love Story: Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdillah and his wife Suhaymah Bint Mas’ood r.a

Both of them are companions of Rasulullah s.a.w. The story happened during the battle of Khandaq. While Rasulullah s.a.w and his companions were digging trenches for the battle, they started to become hungry. Jaabir r.a then saw that Rasulullah s.a.w was starved. He went to his wife and asked if there was any food. However, he did not mention to whom the food was for. It turned out that they had some food but it was only enough for 3 people to eat. When he informed Rasulullah s.a.w about that, Rasulullah s.a.w called the others to join the feast, and there were 1500 men that day. Jaabir r.a panicked and told his wife about this. She asked him if he told Rasulullah s.a.w about the food and he said yes. She then replied, which showed her noble character and respect for her husband,

لَا عَلَيكَ فَهُوَ يَعْلَمُ مَا يَصْنَع

“Don’t worry, he knows what he’s doing”

By this answer alone, we could see how merciful she was towards her husband. Truly, food for 3 people will not provide for 1500 men. He panicked and he felt guilty for telling others about the food, which would potentially result in them both not being able to eat well. However, Suhaymah did not criticize him nor did she show any displeasure. Instead, she comforted him and validated his actions to make him feel better. This is the ideal approach for a couple. If the husband is in distress, it is the wife’s duty to comfort him and shower him with love and vice versa. In moments of hunger and worry, Suhaymah managed to investigate the issue from a positive lens and reassure her husband.

In conclusion, to attain an everlasting marriage is not as simple and easy as it seems. It takes a lot of effort to make that happen and an arduous task to maintain. However, Islam has provided us a solution to ease the process and it was manifested in the examples of the power couples throughout islamic history. The stories above contain important lessons for a couple to implement in their marriage life.

Conclusively, a jubilant marriage hinges on things that we have control over, such as our actions and words. From the examples above, compassion, mercy, faithfulness, politeness, husnuzzhon and comfort were all seen. Not once did feelings come into place and steer one’s actions. And certainly, the application of islamic teachings in our daily errands invites blessings from Allah s.w.t, with the hopes that with that blessing, the marriage will be a smooth sailing journey and one filled with sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah.