Teaching Youths the Art of Restraint

Teenage Temptation & Modern Living

We are recently shocked by the news of disturbing cases of r*pe, bullying and harassment that is more prevalent amongst the teens and youths. We are shaken with the immorality that plagues our youths, and wonder, who would have thought them such things at a young age?

While the early stages of adulthood is usually associated with naivety and innocence, our teens and youths today face both subtle and forthcoming ideas and influences. We see social media replete with pornography, movies teaching wrong ways of approaching romance, and mismatched ideals of what is considered ‘right’. It is a tough world for a vulnerable mind to distinguish what is right and wrong.

It starts at home

A righteous home nurtures pious generations through responsible and loving caregivers. It is built on religious upbringing, compassion, and firmness against wrongdoing — fostering both discipline and affection among all family members.

Parents must start showing and being examples to their children at a young age, on what it means to withhold temptations and avoid any form of Fahsha’ (obscenity). When this imbued in them from a young age, then their moral compass becomes clear, and the fundamental part of knowing what is true and false is present. This must be done with love and gentleness and not authoritative measures which will only cause them to loathe the religion even more as they grow.

Piety is a process

At times, parents may ask themselves: “I’ve raised them with religion, but they still choose to retaliate.” The reality is that, today, our youths are exposed to hypersexuality world on their own cellphones. Things and acts that contradict Islamic values are rampant and within their fingertips. This is added with the kind of nature teenagers are; exploratory, impressionable and susceptible to subtle agendas. When they see something that piques their interest, they want to do, or want to try. This is also something that as guides, we must admit that these years are the time of their lives where piety is a process, and we must allow them to make sense of things, with proper guidance from those older than them.

Teens and youths need the guidance

As much as talking, bonding and even trying to be involved in the teens lives may be one that is arduous, conversations with the young is very important. This was part of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad SAW, because every child is a responsibility. The Prophet SAW mentions in a Hadith:

“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them.”

(Bukhari & Muslim)

Parents and guardians must be the ones who guide the young and never let go of them. The Tarbiyyah (inculcation of values/education) does not stop in childhood. It transcends even to teenage years. This is usually we tend to let go because we see them as ‘adults’.

We see how the Prophet SAW used to ‘train’ the youths of his time and spoke to them as though they were mature adults. This was seen in the Hadith of Ibn Abbas R.A when he said:

“Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you.”

Surprising cases do not mean we stop educating

As a society, cases of juvenile crime may shock us especially with what we see on the media. We can also feel numb with the state of youths today, which makes us feel like the society is doomed, resulting in a cancel culture. While there is no room for justification of crimes, this also means we have a job that has to be done. Parents, guardians, educators and adults must be vigilant and present in teenagers’ and youths’ lives by offering them space, advice and care. When our youths have made a mistake, we must be firm in taking action yet still give mercy for their young age may mean they still have a chance to change.

The culture of advising our youth must be something we enliven in our Ummah today, in a time of trial and fitnah. Allah SWT says in Surah Az-Zariyat Verse 55:

وَذَكِّرْ فَإِنَّ ٱلذِّكْرَىٰ تَنفَعُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

“And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers”

We must not allow social, modern and liberal influences take control of our teenagers and youths especially in an age of fast information.

Advise with firmness, follow up with care

The Prophet SAW’s intelligent way of approaching the whims of the youths is seen in numerous Hadiths. Abu Umama Al-Bahily (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that a young man came to the Prophet and said:

‘O Messenger of Allah, give me a permission to commit Zina.’ The Companions turned to him and started rebuking him.

The Prophet said: “Come closer.”

When the young man drew nearer to the Prophet and sat down, the Prophet asked him:

“Would you like it for your mother?” The man answered; No, by Allah. May Allah make me a protection for you!

Cont: The Prophet commented,

“People also do not like it for their mothers.” The Prophet added, “Would you like it for your daughter?“

Again, the young man answered negatively.

So, the Prophet said, “People too would not love it for their daughters.“

Further, the Prophet asked, “Would you like it for your sister?”

The Prophet received the same answer and made the same comment.

The Prophet went on asking about the man’s paternal and maternal aunts.

The young man’s answer was the same and the Prophet repeated the same comment, “People do not like that for their aunts.”

The Prophet then placed his hand on the young man and prayed for him,

“O Allah, forgive his sins, purify his heart, and protect his chastity.”

Abu Umamah, the narrator of the hadith, said that the young man did not pay heed to any temptation thereafter.

(Authenticated by Al-Albani)

Approach them well and be patient with them

From the Hadith, we can see how the Prophet SAW – unlike the others in the narration, spoke to the young man with intellect and maturity, instead of rebuking the man. This teaches us something. When we counsel our youths, we should start with care, that is added with a sense of firmness. This was exactly how the Prophet SAW taught us to, and we hope to emulate this with our youths.

Teens and youths are the pillars of the society

The young in the society are indeed the changemakers. These fresh group of intellectuals are the group that can see the gaps in the systems and have the energy to revive for the sake of change or betterment. We can see this as part of the Sahabahs who were mostly young when their endeavor in Islam started. Mus’ab Ibn Umayr left his house when he was a young man to fight for Islam. Aisyah RA, the wife of the Prophet SAW narrated many Hadiths before she turned 18 years old. Umar RA, in some narrations was said to have converted to Islam at the age of 28 years old. Their zeal for the religion was astounding for an age so young. This is what we would like our youths to be, amidst a difficult and trying time.

Do not give up on the young. The Prophet always saw hope

The Prophet SAW always saw hope on those who wronged. What more to the young who have just learned to live their lives, and many feeling lost without guidance. Adults, parents and caregivers should facilitate bringing the young to mosques, rehabilitate those who require help with Qur’anic guidance, Halaqahs and community work, while always being ready to listen to their emotional needs and be part of their growing process.

Protect everyone from the hellfire, together.

Let us remember the verse of Allah SWT:

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ قُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًۭا

O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire.

(Surah At-Tahrim, Verse 6)